Curse you Ontario. Curse you and your high temperatures. I have been freezing ever since I moved home. 15 degrees is cold to me now. Hopefully I'll adjust quickly, otherwise I'll never survive the winter o_o;

Wow I'm getting really bad at updating this thing ^^; Though to be fair the month of August was a month of insanity for me what with the submitting of my thesis and my defense. So I guess I have an excuse.

First of all I would like to announce to the interwebs that I passed my thesis defense!! :D I am thus a MASTER OF SCIENCE and have been released from the sinister grip of the evil Liana forever!! Yayyyyyyy! Now I have to enter the real world... and get a job... and become an adult... wait a minute, that's not fun at all! Augh, what is this horrible place?? I want to be a student again! ABORT ABORT!!

No seriously, I'm very excited to being done school and I'm really happy that I've moved back to Newfoundland :) The idea of job-hunting is a little scary, but I feel like myself again for the first time in 2 years... and that makes it worth it.

I got home on Wednesday and spent 2 days completely gutting my bedroom. It had 2 years worth of clutter build-up and was in a pretty unlivable state. Four garbage bags later and it's much less cluttered :)

Also, my mom bought me a Blackberry for my birthday today :D I needed a new cell phone and the Blackberry was only $8 more a month than a regular phone... so I decided to splurge. Plus it's red, which just makes it awesome XD

I don't know why I keep going to movies by myself. I enjoy it while I'm there, but afterwards I always feel lonely and really miss my friends :( Plus sitting in the theatre alone before the start of the movie and watching all the couples and groups of friends arrive is intensely awkward. I feel like some kind of impostor attempting to fit in with the general population but not really succeeding >.>;

In other news I am completely and utterly addicted to the computer game Spore. For non-gamers, it's essentially the Sims for biologists. You start out as a cell and eventually develop into an space empire of creatures. It's really fun since you get to customize your own creatures, houses, and vehicles ^^ I did have a bit of a... startling moment though.

You see, I decided to develop a race of herbivores who ended up looking like some sort of ostrich with ram horns and a dinosaur tail. Since it was my first time playing I opted for the "peace-loving" route and tried to befriend all the other creatures and tribes (thought to be fair, as a herbivore you don't have much choice. Threatening to throw grass at other tribes doesn't exactly inspire fear). At first it was great. I went to other villages, played a little music, and before you knew it, we were all best buddies. Then they started bringing gifts to my village, which I thought was sweet. It wasn't until they all started coming to my village to dance around and throw flowers that I realized the truth... Oh dear god, I'd created a cult. Sure enough when I entered the "Civilization" stage where I controlled a city, my species opted for the route of "Religion" where I essentially went around to surrounding cities and broadcast religious propaganda until they succumbed and converted. Needless to say this horrified me, and I quickly switched to the "Economic" route as quickly as possible O_O Apparently I should have considered "religious leader" as a career path u_u;;

Nichole's been gone 3 hours and I'm already bored. Wow.

Anyway, yes, updates. I have been neglecting my poor LJ :(

I went to Polaris this past weekend, and it was so much fun! I went to a bunch of discussion panels, saw a lot of great costumes, and generally had an amazing time. Nichole and I went dressed up as the first and second incarnations of Romana from Doctor Who. Unfortunately my costume got recognized more often than Nichole's, but it was still a good bit of fun. I'm definitely cosplaying at all the cons I go to from now on, it definitely enriches the experience. Plus I love dressing up, so I'll grab any excuse I can XD We also met a bunch of other Doctor Who fans. For the record, Doctor Who fans are awesome. They were really fun to hang out with :D Plus two of them were dressed up as Charley Pollard and the Eighth Doctor, which made me fangirl uncontrollably ^^; All in all, it was a fantastic weekend and I'm definitely going to try my best to go again next year.

Nichole left today to go home to NL for a visit. It'll be nice to have the apartment to myself for two weeks, but I'm definitely dreading the ensuing boredom. Must find ways to entertain myself. I imagine I'll be watching a lot of movies and old school Doctor Who. Hmm, maybe this won't be so bad after all XD;

This summer is turning out to be a huge improvement on the last two summers. So far I've been to two geeky conventions, had a great visit from Bethany, and spent a lot of time wandering around downtown Toronto.

Nichole and I are going to the zoo this Saturday, Sheena is coming to visit at the end of August, and I'm pretty much done writing my thesis a week and a half ahead of schedule.

Also, my parents and I will be going to Las Vegas in September. It's my graduation gift to me :) I can't wait!

Life is good :D

Well Liana's run off to Brazil for 3 weeks, and so I am looking forward to roughly 21 days of peace. I'll still have tons of work to dp, but at least I can do it without the ever-present burden of judgment hanging over my head. I did manage to get the Introduction, Method, and Results sections of my thesis written before she left and Liana actually seemed impressed, which was nice. Seeing as she expressed concern back in April that I would put off writing my thesis until August, it felt good to put those three sections in front of her (via email of course) with a resounding "HA! And you thought I couldn't do it!" Apparently one of the best ways to motivate me is to doubt my abilities. I have a very spiteful personality, so when someone tells me I can't do something I feel the overwhelming need to prove them wrong.

I'm taking the ratties to the vet tomorrow. They've somehow become infested with some sort of parasite, though the jury's out on whether it's mites or lice. Luckily both are species-specific so I don't have to worry about becoming an all-you-can-eat buffet to the little bloodsuckers. The vet visit is going to cost me a fortune, and it really bothers me because I know exactly what medication they need, I just can't get it without a prescription. I can't wait until Bethany is a certified vet and I can bug her for these things ^^; I'm actually sending her a couple of specimens of the parasites because she wants to identify them herself. The really sad thing is I don't find that strange at all. Not for Bethany anyway XD

EDIT:
The verdict is in and it seems my boys have lice. The vet gave me two doses of Revolution that they get today and 3 weeks from now, so hopefully that will clear it up. The very nice thing about Revolution is I just apply it in between their shoulder blades to dose them, which means I don't have to try to shove an oral medication down Irwin's throat. Yay! On a not so yay note, I'm out $270 u_u;;

It seems that I'm only ever motivated to write in my Livejournal when I have something to rant about. I suppose this should make me feel guilty since I'm polluting the internet with my negativity, but since I'm fairly certain Bethany is the only one who reads this, my conscience is clear XD;

As I've mentioned in previous entries, I've finally begun to write my thesis. While I did anticipate that this part of the degree would be relatively slow paced, I didn't predict the vast cyclone of never-ending guilt that came along with it. Due to the considerable lack of confidence I have in my own abilities after two years of my supervisor's continuous criticism, and the resulting development of my insane work ethic, I have mentally programmed myself to think that if I am not working 8-10 hours a day, I am not a worthwhile human being. My thesis is not due until the beginning of August and I have extreme difficulty in forcing myself to write if I am not under the pressure of a looming deadline. So right now I'm working on average about 6 hours a day. Hence the horrendous amounts of guilt I feel. I'm actually starting to drive myself nuts because whenever I'm not working my brain is constantly repeating "I should be working! I should be working!". Seriously, is there a way to shut it off? If there isn't, I may not make it to the end of this degree >.>;

My frustration is not helped by the fact that my supervisor emailed me and told me that she's running off to Brazil for a conference and will be gone for 3 weeks. Oh, and she won't have access to email during that time. But that's okay, it's not like I need help or guidance during the last couple of months of my degree. I've made it this far without any of that nonsense, why on earth would I need it now? Needless to say I am not pleased.

If I manage to finish this degree successfully at least I'll be able to say I did it on my own. By the end of this degree I'll have been enrolled for 28 months, and my supervisor will have been around for 8 months of it. That's @#$%ing ridiculous.

Only 3 more months. I can do that.

In happier news, there's a Doctor Who convention here in Toronto next Saturday! :D I found out about it from a random Facebook ad, which was...random.

Nichole is gone to a conference in Philadelphia until Thursday so I've been left alone in the apartment until then. I do miss have someone to talk to, but there is something to be said about having some time alone.

Case in point, I am currently curled up on the couch drinking Coke Zero and watching anime, wearing a pair of ridiculous pj shorts (that are only slightly better than underwear and I would never let anyone but my closest friends see me in them) with horribly clashing socks and generally not caring what I look like.

Yes, being alone can be nice sometimes...

I officially started writing my thesis today. I can not describe how euphoric I feel about *finally* reaching this stage of my degree. No more data analysis. I say that in a slightly pleased voice, but I can tell you my cerebellum is screaming "OMG NO MORE DATA ANALYSIS" and doing the cerebellum-equivalent of a happy dance. I take great happiness in the fact that NEVER AGAIN will I waste 4 MONTHS of my life running statistical tests. I can't believe I managed to get through it without having a mental crisis or snapping and going on a killing spree through campus. Must be the god-awful year I had preceding it. Which will tell you how bad that first year was since it made 4 months of stats seem reasonable.

I'm currently packing to head back to Toronto. My trip home has been awesome, and I'm sad to leave as always. But for once I'm not dreading going back to Ontario. I really am enjoying Toronto :)

Next weekend is Anime North and the weekend after that Bethany's coming to visit! Fun times are ahead and I'm very happy about life in general. Let's hope it stays this way, at least for a while.

Well, I have finally moved to Toronto and have officially become a city girl! The move was surprisingly smooth with no major issues, and I'm taking up a lot less space in Nichole's small condo than I thought I would. Apparently I didn't accumulate much stuff over my two years in London. Though I was pretty strict in deciding what I was taking with me and what was being thrown out/given away, so I had a lot of stuff that didn't come with me. Rob was nice enough to take all of my furniture off my hands.

So I've been here a little over a week and I have to say, I'm loving it so far. I've always liked Toronto, so I knew it wouldn't take me long to adjust to living here. It can get a bit overwhelming at times, especially during rush hour on the subway (I almost got caught by the closing doors yesterday while trying to squeeze onto a packed train. Luckily the door just clipped my elbow.) I guess I'm still a small town girl in that respect. But I'm even starting to get used to the sheer numbers of people. One thing that has really stood out for me is the huge diversity of people here. Newfoundland is probably the whitest province in the country and people here in Ontario can't believe it when I tell them that my high school was comprised of all white students. So it's a huge change for me to see so many different people when I'm out and about, and I absolutely love it. It gives me some hope for the future of humanity that "melting pots" like Toronto are becoming more and more common.

So I've settled in pretty comfortably here at Nichole's, but I actually have to pack up again today because I'm heading home to NL tomorrow for a visit :) I'm really looking forward to it since I haven't been home since Christmas. Mom just got a new ragdoll kitten who is quite possibly the cutest thing ever and I can't wait to meet him! I'm also super excited to see Sheena and Shannon, and spend some time with my family. It'll be great to recharge my batteries before the last few months of this degree.

I have a few other things to blog about but they'll have to wait until my next entry. I have a ton of stuff to get done today!

I don't know whether this should make me laugh or cry

This has happened to me countless times since January. I keep getting to a point where I think I'm close to finishing my data analysis and I can finally write up and FINISH THIS DEGREE. I have learned to stop getting excited when I feel like I'm almost done. Honestly I don't know if I'll EVER be done. Why? Because every time I have this feeling, this sense of euphoria, finally having results and no longer having to run countless tests, Liana looks it over and goes "That's great! But have you tried running it this way, and that way, and oh we should try this, and have you done this...etc. etc. etc."

I think I'm doomed to be stuck in this degree forever. It's incredibly discouraging. Up to this point I've been miserable, but there was an end date I could work towards to and that gave me a small glimmer of hope. Now I have absolutely no idea when I'll be done, and it's making me want to quit this degree more than ever. It's unfortunate since I'm in the last leg of the degree and I should really be excited/motivated by what I'm finding.

Help, I'm in grad school limbo and I can't get out! :O

David G. Kleinbaum, you are my hero. You have managed to write a survival analysis textbook that is easy to understand, and to explain the statistical analysis required for Cox proportional hazard tests in an easy-to-follow manner.

Why can't all textbooks be this easy to read?

The wind is whipping the dead leaves around outside and every now and then a spatter of rain hits the window. I have the apartment to myself and I am armed with fuzzy socks, a plushy couch, a purple highlighter, and a pile of papers about bird predation that need reading.

There are worse ways to spend a Sunday afternoon.

I should really be going over the presentation I have to give this afternoon. However the content has been pretty much finalized since Wednesday and I've spent yesterday making small aesthetic adjustments and practicing it. I'm actually feeling pretty confident that I'll do well. It's probably because I've been able to practice in front of a couple of my friends and my supervisor and they all told me that it's a good presentation and that I should have no problems.

I'm sure my tune will change as soon as I'm up in front of a room of grad students and faculty, but as of right now I'm not nervous at all. This is odd for me seeing as I find talking to people I don't know, even on an individual level, incredibly difficult. I think my fear of being judged by others, which developed in junior high, has become so severely lodged in my subconscious that it will haunt me for the rest of my life. Damn junior high.

On top of the whole presentation thing, I had some drama with my supervisor this week. See, she has to go to Victoria, BC, next week in order to work in the field for the summer. So she suddenly decided that it would be a fabulous idea for me to move to Victoria for part of the summer so that we can work on finalizing my stats analysis and writing my thesis together.

At first I thought that it might be an okay arrangement, until she told me I would be responsible for finding a place to live and paying my own rent, along with other expenses such as groceries and buying supplies for wherever I happen to be living. She would only be paying for my flight.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized what a terrible idea it was. I would have to uproot myself completely and move everything to Victoria for the sake of a month, which would not only be insanely stressful, but also incredibly time-consuming as I would have to settle in and find out where everything was in Victoria, etc. etc. Plus I've already made plans for the summer. I'm moving to Toronto to stay with Nichole, I've already registered for Anime North, and Bethany is coming to visit for a week. So in the end I had to tell Liana that me moving to Victoria was not a good idea and that I would ultimately be more productive here in Ontario. It's the first time I've ever said no to her. It didn't go over terribly well and she tried everything in her power to convince me that I should come to Victoria. But in the end she said that it was my decision.

I'm relieved with how it all worked out, but holy crap, that was a lot of extra stress and drama that I didn't need this week. Anyway, I'm going to spend some time this evening relaxing and trying to get back into the work groove so I can finish this degree in the next couple of months. I am ready to be done.

Two more bird species to add to the list: Red-wing Blackbirds and American Goldfinches!

I saw a group of 3 male blackbirds hanging out in a tree by the river this morning. They were singing, but they were pretty close together (in the same tree) and they didn't seem to be acting threatening towards each other, so I guess they haven't gotten down to the business of setting up breeding territories yet.

I also saw a small flock of 5 or 6 goldfinches just outside my office building. I had forgotten how tiny goldfinches are. I'm used to seeing house sparrows, which are kind of round and bulky and make the goldfinches look dainty and fragile. They were still in their drab winter plumage, but I hope they hang around so I can see them molt into their bright yellow breeding plumage (well, the males anyway).

It's funny how cheerful bird-spotting makes me. I must look very strange to passing people though, since I have a tendency to stop in the middle of the sidewalk to look at a flock of birds in the trees/bushes or to watch the resident red-tailed hawk fly by overhead. I know I've seen all these birds a hundred+ times before, but I still love to watch them. I guess I wasn't too far off track when I decided to study birds for my Masters. I'm not a big fan of the research itself, but I still have a huge love for birds ^^

The weather has been gorgeous here lately. It was sunny and 12 degrees yesterday and it's supposed to go up to 14 today. The sun is streaming in through the windows and everyone I talk to seems to be in high spirits. Even the birds have been reveling in the warm sun. The grackles were back last week and when I walk to school in the mornings there's a huge chorus of grackles, starlings, cardinals, house sparrows, and even the odd house finch.

I also saw my first robin of the year yesterday. Could it be that spring is finally here? I really really hope so.

Today's XKCD comic

I laughed at this comic. Laughed. At a statistics joke. There is officially no hope for me.

Since I am close to finishing the data analysis part of my Masters project (let me take a moment to cry and laugh and shout and flail all at the same time) I've started to make the mental shift from thinking about statistics, to putting all the things I've found together into a story. This is the part of research that I like, so I've been looking forward to it. Since my project is insanely complex and full of many different interconnecting parts, I came up with the brilliant idea of constructing a flow chart of all the different concepts I wanted to cover and how they connected with each other. It was a brave but naive plan.

After about 15 minutes of squinting at a page of paper that was quickly becoming a mass of indecipherable squiggles and arrows, I heaved a sigh of frustration and said "Wow, you really don't get a sense of how complicated your project is until you try to make a flow chart." Cat, Aija, and Rob, who were in the office at the time, all burst out laughing and Cat said "That's an awesome PhD comic right there!" See, I wasn't kidding when I said my life was a never-ending PhD comic! XD

If I can figure out how to get my scanner to work again I'll definitely scan the flow chart just so people can appreciate how freaking complicated my project is. Then they might understand why I have to take an extra semester to finish it.

Jorge Cham (the author of PhD comics) is coming to give a lecture at Western this Saturday! I bought my ticket today. I'm really looking forward to it :D

In other news I am a total nerd.

Family Day is a stupid holiday. I will never understand why Ontario decided to implement it. Though the fact that it is preventing me from getting groceries when I am sorely in need for food (I'm kind of in the "I can live off yogurt and peanut butter right?" stage of food deprivation) is probably jading my view of the holiday. Plus I don't get the day off.

Also, the fact that I returned from an awesome weekend in Toronto to discover that Julia's boyfriend is visiting for the week has also not helped to improve my mood. I hate strange boys in my apartment. Also, Julia's bedroom is right next to mine and there are really some things I DON'T need to hear at 9:00am when I'm trying to work on spreadsheets. I shall not elaborate. Gotta love considerate roommates.

If my office building hadn't been locked this morning then I could have escaped this awkwardness u_u Note to self, spend as much time as possible at the office for the rest of the week.